1
00:00:34,880 --> 00:00:37,480
What the hell is going on?!

2
00:00:37,560 --> 00:00:40,960
Good morning, good morning.
Breaking news just in.

3
00:00:41,040 --> 00:00:42,600
The men have surrendered

4
00:00:42,680 --> 00:00:45,480
to the Housework Action Group's
demands, and...

5
00:00:45,560 --> 00:00:48,120
the Verderer, whose
whereabouts are uncertain,

6
00:00:48,200 --> 00:00:51,160
has suffered a vote
of no confidence.

7
00:00:51,240 --> 00:00:55,040
Women can now claim monthly
chore benefit, thanks to Janet,

8
00:00:55,120 --> 00:00:57,640
- who has ring-fenced funding.
- Well, it-- it'd better not be

9
00:00:57,720 --> 00:00:59,760
from the cheese-eating-
competition coffers!

10
00:00:59,840 --> 00:01:03,040
The mandatory men's training
with Pig Man and his cloth

11
00:01:03,120 --> 00:01:04,560
can now begin.

12
00:01:04,640 --> 00:01:07,160
It's an historic victory
for the women.

13
00:01:07,240 --> 00:01:10,320
And though the strike
may be over in our community,

14
00:01:10,400 --> 00:01:12,440
it's only just beginning
in others.

15
00:01:12,520 --> 00:01:16,720
Stationers from Gloucester to
Bristol have run out of ledgers

16
00:01:16,800 --> 00:01:21,120
as the Housework Action Group's
membership swells.

17
00:01:21,200 --> 00:01:25,800
Progress has been made, but
the strike brought out language

18
00:01:25,880 --> 00:01:28,280
that should have been consigned
to the history books.

19
00:01:28,360 --> 00:01:32,040
Have you ever been called
a witch?

20
00:01:32,120 --> 00:01:35,120
And if so, why?
Sheila's on line one.

21
00:01:35,200 --> 00:01:36,920
The husband
called me a witch, Joy,

22
00:01:37,000 --> 00:01:38,560
just for laughing at him
last winter

23
00:01:38,640 --> 00:01:40,080
when we climbed up Snowdon

24
00:01:40,160 --> 00:01:41,560
and his todger went
up inside him.

25
00:01:41,640 --> 00:01:44,160
Well, we can't win,
can we, Sheila?

26
00:01:44,240 --> 00:01:46,560
Wendy is on line two.

27
00:01:46,640 --> 00:01:48,560
My old boss
called me a witch, Joy,

28
00:01:48,640 --> 00:01:52,000
just for telling him to make
his own fucking tea.

29
00:01:52,080 --> 00:01:53,640
Drown and we're innocent,

30
00:01:53,720 --> 00:01:56,920
float and we're guilty,
eh, Wendy?

31
00:01:57,000 --> 00:01:59,760
What image comes to mind
when you hear the word "witch"?

32
00:01:59,840 --> 00:02:02,080
Linda Jane--

33
00:02:02,160 --> 00:02:04,600
Seems to me a witch
is just a woman

34
00:02:04,680 --> 00:02:06,280
who knows her own power.

35
00:02:06,360 --> 00:02:08,280
Let's all be witches.

36
00:02:29,920 --> 00:02:31,920
Huh?

37
00:04:02,120 --> 00:04:04,120
Huh?

38
00:04:06,640 --> 00:04:10,280
Do you know what this is...
Verderer?

39
00:04:10,360 --> 00:04:14,160
Well, one of your bloody
lesbo-dominatrix,

40
00:04:14,240 --> 00:04:16,760
sex-torture implements,
I-I imagine.

41
00:04:16,840 --> 00:04:18,760
God knows whose mouth
this has been in!

42
00:04:18,840 --> 00:04:21,280
It's called a scold's bridle.

43
00:04:21,360 --> 00:04:22,880
Well, if I get mouth herpes,

44
00:04:22,960 --> 00:04:24,640
I'll be suing you,
Agnes Watkins!

45
00:04:24,720 --> 00:04:27,640
You know men used to put women
in this years back

46
00:04:27,720 --> 00:04:29,360
to silence them?

47
00:04:29,440 --> 00:04:32,120
If they thought they spoke
too much or too strongly.

48
00:04:32,200 --> 00:04:36,360
Yeah. Called them witches.
Paraded them round the streets.

49
00:04:37,160 --> 00:04:40,040
You are a stain
on Feythur's legacy.

50
00:04:42,680 --> 00:04:45,360
- You ain't gonna use that.
- Ain't I?

51
00:04:45,440 --> 00:04:47,600
Man or fish, Verderer.

52
00:04:47,680 --> 00:04:50,120
A head is a head.

53
00:04:50,200 --> 00:04:51,680
And I've bashed in
a lot of heads.

54
00:04:51,760 --> 00:04:53,720
- Mm.
- Mm.

55
00:05:01,760 --> 00:05:04,400
Ow!

56
00:05:04,480 --> 00:05:07,160
Aah! My verruca!

57
00:05:07,240 --> 00:05:09,240
Aah!

58
00:05:13,560 --> 00:05:17,160
- Does he remember anything?
- No. Just told him a pot fell.

59
00:05:22,080 --> 00:05:24,240
- Um...
- Yeah.

60
00:05:27,480 --> 00:05:30,040
I haven't really had a chance
to talk to you,

61
00:05:30,120 --> 00:05:32,920
but, uh, thanks for inviting me
last night.

62
00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:35,000
It was really special.

63
00:05:37,720 --> 00:05:40,400
And, um, there's something else.

64
00:05:41,160 --> 00:05:43,240
The mother tree.

65
00:05:43,320 --> 00:05:45,360
She's grown a shoot.

66
00:06:04,840 --> 00:06:08,240
Mm. Cycle of life, eh?

67
00:06:09,120 --> 00:06:11,120
Yeah.

68
00:06:14,120 --> 00:06:15,920
I think we should celebrate.

69
00:06:16,000 --> 00:06:17,720
Water! Water!

70
00:06:17,800 --> 00:06:20,640
Yeah. We-- Actually, we should
get Verderer to sing, right?

71
00:06:20,720 --> 00:06:23,280
He's got a beautiful voice.
Made himself cry once.

72
00:06:23,360 --> 00:06:25,120
He was on "Stars In Their Eyes"
years back.

73
00:06:25,200 --> 00:06:26,600
But after Gary Glitter
got arrested,

74
00:06:26,680 --> 00:06:27,960
they just buried the episode,
you know?

75
00:06:28,040 --> 00:06:30,400
I think we should just
keep it simple.

76
00:06:31,000 --> 00:06:33,160
Mm.

77
00:06:33,240 --> 00:06:35,240
But he should be there, though.

78
00:06:43,320 --> 00:06:45,320
Do the honours, then, Linda.

79
00:07:00,520 --> 00:07:02,280
So, you had it.

80
00:07:02,360 --> 00:07:04,840
Well, don't expect
the £100 reward.

81
00:07:07,040 --> 00:07:11,200
Hardly bedtime reading
for the Eel Sisters.

82
00:07:13,760 --> 00:07:16,440
You have no right
talking about Feythur.

83
00:07:16,520 --> 00:07:19,080
Well, I do, actually, what with
him being my dad and all.

84
00:07:19,160 --> 00:07:22,800
You may be his biological child,
Linda, but...

85
00:07:24,800 --> 00:07:26,840
...Feythur chose me.

86
00:07:30,280 --> 00:07:33,200
He loved me more
than his own flesh and blood.

87
00:07:33,280 --> 00:07:35,440
He left me his book, didn't he?

88
00:07:36,800 --> 00:07:38,800
He'd be proud of me right now.

89
00:07:41,520 --> 00:07:43,520
On the whole.

90
00:08:21,480 --> 00:08:23,680
Gotcha. Oh!

91
00:08:29,680 --> 00:08:31,680
Wow.

92
00:08:32,760 --> 00:08:36,040
So, truffles evolved to have
that pungent odour

93
00:08:36,120 --> 00:08:38,280
so that they could be smelt
through layers of soil.

94
00:08:38,360 --> 00:08:39,880
Exactly.

95
00:08:39,960 --> 00:08:41,360
So that the boar can find them.

96
00:08:41,440 --> 00:08:43,520
Because the truffle
wants to be found

97
00:08:43,600 --> 00:08:46,320
and eaten and shat out--
to reproduce.

98
00:08:48,080 --> 00:08:54,040
So... once a truffle is dug up
and eaten, its work is done.

99
00:08:54,120 --> 00:08:55,840
That's right.

100
00:08:55,920 --> 00:08:57,920
The cycle is complete.

101
00:08:59,280 --> 00:09:03,960
Imagine being so in control
of your own destiny...

102
00:09:04,520 --> 00:09:07,400
...so sure of your purpose
in life.

103
00:09:09,480 --> 00:09:13,480
No truffle has ever lost
its identity...

104
00:09:13,560 --> 00:09:16,800
...had a midlife crisis...

105
00:09:16,880 --> 00:09:19,280
feared the ageing process...

106
00:09:20,400 --> 00:09:22,680
...compared itself
to younger truffles.

107
00:09:25,560 --> 00:09:27,880
Being young isn't the best part
of life.

108
00:09:27,960 --> 00:09:30,800
And... being older
isn't the worst.

109
00:09:30,880 --> 00:09:34,560
They're just... different stages
of the cycle.

110
00:09:35,200 --> 00:09:38,680
Yeah, but being younger
is much better, Linda.

111
00:09:38,760 --> 00:09:41,240
Yeah, it is, isn't it?

112
00:09:42,440 --> 00:09:44,600
I coughed yesterday
and did a little wee.

113
00:09:46,160 --> 00:09:47,960
Well, look who it is.

114
00:09:48,040 --> 00:09:52,520
The Verderer has arrived,
which means I'm out of time.

115
00:09:52,600 --> 00:09:55,880
So let's hope that today
marks the beginning

116
00:09:55,960 --> 00:09:59,840
of a more harmonious period
between the sexes.

117
00:10:04,520 --> 00:10:06,520
Oh.

118
00:10:07,440 --> 00:10:10,800
Bad night, Verderer?

119
00:10:26,000 --> 00:10:28,720
Good morning, good morning,
good morning!

120
00:10:30,320 --> 00:10:36,000
The strike may be over,
but the war rages on.

121
00:10:36,680 --> 00:10:38,680
Who's with me?!

122
00:10:38,760 --> 00:10:40,920
Huh?
Ah.

123
00:10:41,000 --> 00:10:43,440
Uh, let's go to line one.

124
00:10:44,880 --> 00:10:47,360
Line one. Hello.

125
00:10:47,440 --> 00:10:50,240
Let's get out of here, eh?

126
00:10:56,040 --> 00:10:58,480
Line t-- Line two.

127
00:10:59,440 --> 00:11:01,600
Line two! Hello.
You're on the air.

128
00:11:03,840 --> 00:11:06,400
Apologies about this, gents.

129
00:11:06,480 --> 00:11:09,040
We seem to be having technical
problems with the lines.

130
00:11:09,120 --> 00:11:10,680
Line three?

131
00:11:10,760 --> 00:11:12,760
Line three, please.

132
00:11:26,920 --> 00:11:28,920
Line three.

133
00:11:41,400 --> 00:11:42,760
Back after this.

134
00:11:55,360 --> 00:11:57,480
- Oh. There we go.
- Mm!

135
00:11:57,560 --> 00:11:59,560
Thank you.

136
00:12:00,920 --> 00:12:02,080
To the mother tree.

137
00:12:02,160 --> 00:12:03,720
- Mother tree.
- Mother tree.

138
00:12:03,800 --> 00:12:05,720
- Cheers.
- Cheers.

139
00:12:05,800 --> 00:12:07,280
Cheers.

140
00:12:07,360 --> 00:12:09,480
You know, we've been
piecing things together,

141
00:12:09,560 --> 00:12:13,400
and we realised that our meythur
left because of your meythur.

142
00:12:14,160 --> 00:12:16,560
- Oh?
- I mean, out of all of them,

143
00:12:16,640 --> 00:12:18,680
she was the only one
what really made him laugh.

144
00:12:18,760 --> 00:12:20,360
Meythur made peace with the sex,

145
00:12:20,440 --> 00:12:22,760
but, of course, Feythur
had shagged half the town.

146
00:12:22,840 --> 00:12:25,280
No, the two of them
laughing together,

147
00:12:25,360 --> 00:12:27,680
that felt like the real
betrayal, you know?

148
00:12:27,760 --> 00:12:29,720
Echoing round the forest.

149
00:12:29,800 --> 00:12:31,600
Mm.

150
00:12:31,680 --> 00:12:37,120
Sorry. That must have been...
very difficult.

151
00:12:37,760 --> 00:12:39,760
It was.

152
00:12:46,120 --> 00:12:48,120
Christ, you swallow loudly,
Linda.

153
00:12:49,000 --> 00:12:51,400
Yes.
Apparently so.

154
00:12:51,480 --> 00:12:53,800
Right.
Gonna get down to the stump.

155
00:12:55,440 --> 00:12:57,520
- That was weird, right?
- It was a bit loud, yeah.

156
00:12:57,600 --> 00:12:59,600
Should get that seen to.

157
00:13:01,560 --> 00:13:02,720
Linda?

158
00:13:02,800 --> 00:13:04,800
Yeah?

159
00:13:05,520 --> 00:13:07,520
It should have clicked
when I saw your smile.

160
00:13:07,600 --> 00:13:11,280
You've got his wonky smile
and his wonky gait.

161
00:13:13,320 --> 00:13:16,160
Would be easier to find out
who wasn't Feythur's child,

162
00:13:16,240 --> 00:13:18,440
- wouldn't it?
- Hm.

163
00:13:29,920 --> 00:13:32,720
Don't gloat, Joy, please.

164
00:13:32,800 --> 00:13:35,120
Come to the mother tree
celebration, Jim.

165
00:13:35,200 --> 00:13:36,880
No.

166
00:13:36,960 --> 00:13:38,960
Ryan's got a surprise for you.

167
00:13:41,800 --> 00:13:43,800
- For me?
- Have a think about it.

168
00:14:35,720 --> 00:14:37,720
Thank you.

169
00:14:49,880 --> 00:14:54,200
Everything in this forest...
started like this.

170
00:14:54,280 --> 00:14:57,800
And this started
beneath our feet...

171
00:14:58,640 --> 00:15:00,400
...on the ground,

172
00:15:00,480 --> 00:15:03,960
the fungal networks weaving
their magic through the soil.

173
00:15:14,360 --> 00:15:17,320
♪ Free from your past ♪

174
00:15:17,400 --> 00:15:20,720
Every living thing has
a natural life cycle.

175
00:15:21,240 --> 00:15:23,760
And every living thing dies.

176
00:15:25,160 --> 00:15:27,160
And that's the natural order.

177
00:15:28,120 --> 00:15:29,800
And we fear it.

178
00:15:29,880 --> 00:15:34,480
But we can learn from the
mushrooms and try to embrace it.

179
00:15:35,440 --> 00:15:38,560
Live a life of purpose,
like truffles.

180
00:15:39,760 --> 00:15:41,440
We mourn endings.

181
00:15:41,520 --> 00:15:43,960
But we must also celebrate
new beginnings.

182
00:15:48,280 --> 00:15:50,280
May all your transitions
be joyful.

183
00:15:51,160 --> 00:15:53,880
May all your transitions
be joyful.

184
00:15:55,280 --> 00:16:00,320
♪ ...with visions untrue ♪

185
00:16:05,600 --> 00:16:10,840
♪ But I own a photograph ♪

186
00:16:12,280 --> 00:16:17,360
♪ You lay there naked
upon your back ♪

187
00:16:18,720 --> 00:16:25,720
♪ Safe in a stone house
by the sea ♪

188
00:16:31,320 --> 00:16:35,760
♪ There's nothing true,
and nothing's real ♪

189
00:16:37,760 --> 00:16:42,480
♪ But I remember
one clear feel ♪

190
00:16:44,200 --> 00:16:51,360
♪ Warm beneath
your gentle company ♪

191
00:17:03,960 --> 00:17:07,240
D-Do you think the soul
is a solid--

192
00:17:07,320 --> 00:17:09,320
you know, like an organ?

193
00:17:09,880 --> 00:17:12,600
Like a liver or a spleen?

194
00:17:14,680 --> 00:17:17,560
Or is it... is it like a gas?

195
00:17:19,680 --> 00:17:21,320
Like gas?

196
00:17:21,400 --> 00:17:24,320
Oh, I-I don't think
I'm the right person

197
00:17:24,400 --> 00:17:27,560
to ask about this sort
of bodily thing, Tone.

198
00:17:28,360 --> 00:17:31,400
I've only just found out that I
wee through my urethra...

199
00:17:32,360 --> 00:17:34,160
...and not my... you know.

200
00:17:34,240 --> 00:17:36,480
A-Anyway.
Sorry.

201
00:17:36,560 --> 00:17:38,800
Why did you want to know
about the soul?

202
00:17:38,880 --> 00:17:41,360
Oh, 'cause I've been reading
that Desmond Morris, yeah?

203
00:17:41,440 --> 00:17:46,000
And he reckons a man's soul
is located in his testicles.

204
00:17:46,080 --> 00:17:47,720
- Really?
- Right?

205
00:17:47,800 --> 00:17:50,600
And a woman's soul is located
in her ovaries. Right?

206
00:17:50,680 --> 00:17:54,320
And we become immortal
by reproducing

207
00:17:54,400 --> 00:17:56,520
and passing on our genes.

208
00:17:57,040 --> 00:17:59,560
- Right.
- Mm-hmm.

209
00:17:59,640 --> 00:18:01,840
Desmond Morris
from "Animal Magic"?

210
00:18:01,920 --> 00:18:03,920
No!
That's Johnny Morris.

211
00:18:06,560 --> 00:18:08,920
- Did he have a chimp?
- They both had chimps.

212
00:18:09,560 --> 00:18:11,280
"They"?

213
00:18:11,360 --> 00:18:14,000
Desmond Morris, zoologist.
Right?

214
00:18:14,080 --> 00:18:17,080
- Right.
- Who had a chimp called Congo

215
00:18:17,160 --> 00:18:19,320
that was also an artist, right?

216
00:18:19,400 --> 00:18:23,360
And Johnny Morris presented
his TV show from a zoo.

217
00:18:23,440 --> 00:18:25,840
And he had a chimp
that was his friend

218
00:18:30,840 --> 00:18:33,440
Sorry. H-hang on.

219
00:18:34,400 --> 00:18:38,760
There's-- There's two blokes
called Morris...

220
00:18:38,840 --> 00:18:40,440
Yes.

221
00:18:40,520 --> 00:18:43,560
...whose jobs both have
the word "zoo" in them.

222
00:18:43,640 --> 00:18:45,200
Yes.

223
00:18:45,280 --> 00:18:47,640
And they both had friends
who were chimps.

224
00:18:47,720 --> 00:18:48,760
That's right.

225
00:18:48,840 --> 00:18:51,120
I'm struggling with this.

226
00:18:51,200 --> 00:18:53,200
Menopause.

227
00:18:53,720 --> 00:18:55,400
I don't know nothing
about the menopause.

228
00:18:55,480 --> 00:18:58,480
- Well, you should.
- Mm. Don't affect me.

229
00:18:59,280 --> 00:19:01,640
- Do you know any women?
- I know plenty of women.

230
00:19:01,720 --> 00:19:03,720
Well, then it does affect you,
doesn't it?

231
00:19:05,280 --> 00:19:06,560
What?

232
00:19:06,640 --> 00:19:08,600
The thing about Desmond Morris, right?

233
00:19:08,680 --> 00:19:12,520
If he's right and the soul
is a solid-- right?--

234
00:19:12,600 --> 00:19:14,280
Mm-hmm.

235
00:19:14,360 --> 00:19:17,560
...and it is located
in the man's testicles...

236
00:19:18,680 --> 00:19:21,240
...I think that I can feel
my soul.

237
00:19:23,760 --> 00:19:26,000
Have you got a lump
in your testicles, Tone?

238
00:19:26,880 --> 00:19:29,040
No.

239
00:19:29,120 --> 00:19:33,920
Well, if you have,
then it's not your soul,

240
00:19:34,000 --> 00:19:36,520
and I'd check it immediately.

241
00:19:36,600 --> 00:19:38,480
Well, that's very generous
of you, Linda,

242
00:19:38,560 --> 00:19:40,640
but I think I'll go and see
a doctor.

243
00:19:41,440 --> 00:19:43,160
- Unh.
- Ah!

244
00:19:55,840 --> 00:19:57,600
Ah.
There you go.

245
00:19:57,680 --> 00:19:59,760
I thought you were
Grandmeythur's size.

246
00:19:59,840 --> 00:20:02,760
- You look just like her.
- Do I have to wear the plait?

247
00:20:02,840 --> 00:20:06,040
'Cause it's really pulling on
my hair, and it's really itchy.

248
00:20:06,120 --> 00:20:08,760
Right. Does the rain moan
about being wet, Linda?

249
00:20:08,840 --> 00:20:11,080
It's an honour
to wear Grandmeythur's clothes

250
00:20:11,160 --> 00:20:12,560
and hair, Linda.

251
00:20:12,640 --> 00:20:14,960
Be disrespectful
not to wear the whole thing.

252
00:20:15,040 --> 00:20:17,120
I am honoured.
Of course.

253
00:20:21,400 --> 00:20:23,440
Right.
Should get going, then, Ags.

254
00:20:23,520 --> 00:20:25,040
Oh.
Where are you off to?

255
00:20:25,120 --> 00:20:27,680
Just a few weeks away is all,
Linda.

256
00:20:27,760 --> 00:20:32,120
A few weeks?
I can't run the café by myself.

257
00:20:32,200 --> 00:20:33,880
H-How do you even catch an eel?

258
00:20:33,960 --> 00:20:35,520
Just use your hands,
you daft cunt.

259
00:20:35,600 --> 00:20:37,160
Yeah. Don't worry.

260
00:20:37,240 --> 00:20:39,160
You won't be running this place
by yourself, Linda.

261
00:20:39,240 --> 00:20:41,640
No.
We, uh, we made a few calls.

262
00:20:41,720 --> 00:20:44,680
Help is on its way, Linda.

263
00:20:44,760 --> 00:20:47,320
What are you laughing at?

264
00:20:47,400 --> 00:20:49,120
I'm not a cunt, actually.

265
00:20:49,200 --> 00:20:51,200
And it'll be mash and mash
for two weeks.

266
00:20:51,280 --> 00:20:53,280
- Eh?
- Nothing!

267
00:22:00,680 --> 00:22:06,160
{\an8}♪ Oh, Sally, my dear,
it's you I'd be kissing ♪

268
00:22:06,240 --> 00:22:08,440
{\an8}♪ She smiled and replied ♪

269
00:22:08,520 --> 00:22:12,280
{\an8}♪ "You don't know
what you're missing" ♪

270
00:22:17,840 --> 00:22:23,640
{\an8}♪ Oh, Sally, my dear,
I wish I could wed you ♪

271
00:22:23,720 --> 00:22:28,040
{\an8}♪ Oh, Sally, my dear,
I wish I could bed you ♪